Are You Mentally, Emotionally and Morally Prepared For True love?

Everyday Black men and Black women enter into relationships and marriages hoping for the very best only to be astonished when they finally realize that the individual responsible for ruining their marriage or totally destroying their relationship was the man or woman in the mirror. 

In just about every case one or both individuals were totally unprepared for love….but neither of them had any idea that they or the individual they chose to espouse or enter into a relationship with wasn't ready for true love.

Today, there are hordes of Black men and Black women in relationships who are very selfish and very opportunistic and who have absolutely NO clue as to what true love is. Due to this lack of knowledge many of them are attempting to build solid relationships and or marriages on very weak foundations such as; illicit sex, money, power, prestige and other material requirements where true love and commitment are unrequited. Unfortunately, it seems as though many of these men and women are NOT looking for a husband or a wife today as much as they are looking for.....

a sex partner or a short-term, "option plan" with a "business partner" rather than subjecting themselves and their children to a lifetime "commitment plan" with a "soul-mate." No one seems to want to truly love and fully commit to one man or one woman anymore!

 Could one of the reasons be that as a race we are currently 2 generations or approximately 40 years (and counting) of being raised in predominately "single-parent" households? 

"11 children - NO Husband!"

"What's that got to do with it?" (many of you might be wondering). In many of these single-parent environments young boys and girls are/were not use to witnessing monogamous, loving, committed relationships between a man and a woman, nor are/were they exposed to the positive mental, emotional and moral aspects of relationship building and or the roles each gender play with regards to a man and a woman complementing one another in a meaningful relationship and or a two-parent family setting. 

Young girls are/were not exposed to seeing their mothers cook and take care of a hard-working husband, his home and his children. Likewise, young boys are/were not exposed to seeing a responsible man in the form of a providing father go out to work to support his entire family. As a result of being raised in such environments many Black men and women today are/were NOT molded into relationship material simply because they were NOT mentally, emotionally or morally prepared during the course of their upbringing. Now there are quite a few African American men and women today who overcame being raised in some of the worst mental, emotional and moral environments and turned out to be great relationship material, but unfortunately for African Americans today the percentages are extremely low and so are the odds of finding a quality soulmate!

                   So the challenge within this topic is: 

Are You Mentally, Emotionally and Morally Prepared For True Love? 

Ladies and Gents, the rest of this article is for Self-Examination purposes only, because when it comes to love, sex, relationships and marriage most Black men and women today take the approach; "Ready or not .... here I come!" They will dive into a relationship or marriage with little or absolutely no mental, emotional or moral preparation. At best they are drawing straws and hoping for the very best. At worst they are just rolling the dice which may be the result of desperation as their biological clocks continue to tick away. It may also be due to physical lust, or because exploiting opportunities may have presented themselves in the forms of SEX, MONEY, POWER or PRESTIGE. All of the above reasons are most common today. A vast majority of us are in these types of relationships today and a very large percentage of these relationships are built solely on the foundations of MONEY, POWER, PRESTIGE and SEX. Sadly, most (if not all) of them lack genuine LOVE and total COMMITMENT!!! 

"Why didn't you tell me the cards were maxed-out?"

The statistics clearly proves that the majority of men and women who took the chance and gamble at pursuing these modern-day business ventures eventually failed. The divorce rates (even in the Church) proves this very fact on a daily basis. Like playing the game of Musical Chairs, infidelity or juggling multiple partners who come up with the best "material or sexual package deal" are usually the most common practises with regards to pursuing relationships or material security ventures where there's NO genuine love or total commitment. 

Most of these so-called relationships or material business ventures fold as a result of one or both business partners failing to maintain their end of the bargain.

With no long-term goals in mind or any short-term goals for that matter set in place, a gorgeous face, a slim body, a big butt and unlimited sex is usually the ONLY requirement for most of the males involved. And for the females involved, the most common requirement is usually MONEY, MONEY and MORE MONEY with great sex running a close second! Unfortunately, these so-called relationships and or marriages are what many men and women today would foolishly classify as being in a solid relationship!

They are in total denial or totally unaware of the fact that "good sex" and "money" are only "complimentary components" to any meaningful relationship or marriage. Because unlike "true love" and "commitment", neither sex or money are guaranteed to last any couple their entire lifetime together. This lack of common knowledge is the number one reason why "irreconcilable differences" is the basic grounds for the multitudes of break-ups and divorce filings within the African American community today. 

"MONEY AND SEX "ALONE" DOES NOT SUSTAIN RELATIONSHIPS OR MARRIAGES!" 

"A pretty face and a big ass ain't worth NO
 WOMAN spending all of my damn money!" 

I can remember a hit song way back in 2001 called; "Hit 'Em Up Style (Oops!)", by R&B recording artist Blu Cantrell who played the role of a loving wife victimized by infidelity who then proceeded to take her cheating hubby for every dime they owned. And one of the most prominent verses within the song contained the following demoralizing lyrics:


                                  "Hey ladies

                                   When your man wanna get buckwild

                                   Just go back and hit 'em up style

                                   Put your hands on his cash

                                   And spend it to the last dime

                                   For all the hard times."

                                      Here's the "original" music video:

Noticed she referred to the two of them "playing games",
and as a result, their so-called love "just faded away!"

True love never "JUST FADE AWAY!" With true commitment it will always PREVAIL, even through the toughest TESTS of time! Only material business partnerships decline when they are tested far beyond the sex and the money!                                              

As a result of these common relationships or (business) partnerships today; Foreclosures, Eviction Notices, Shut-off Notices, Repossessions, Debt, STDs, Divorce, Child Support Court Orders, Domestic Violence and Restraining Orders are now piling up in record numbers throughout many Urban communities all across America.

And more importantly, as a result of these modern-day business ventures or so-called relationships, multitudes of Black children are faced with the likely-hood of growing up in homes were both parents are NOT together. And the saddest thing about the break-ups is that so many wonderful Black children get dumped as well! 

Ultimately, these common relationships or (business) partnerships (in my opinion) are the number one cause for the full-blown gender war between Black men and Black women today. These grown children and their demoralizing antics can be found entertaining predominantly non-Black audiences of the Jerry Springer, Maury Povich and the Steve Wilko shows earning each of the (talk-show) hosts millions of dollars in sponsorship revenue, national attention and world-wide syndication. All at the expense of the multitudes of African American men and women who are/were NOT mentally, emotionally or morally prepared for true love and commitment!

"I told you that damn baby wasn't mine!"

It's time we START to mentally, emotionally and morally prepare ourselves for the long-haul with Mr. or Mrs. Right and STOP playing games or wagering and wasting our valuable time on Mr. Right Now or Mrs. Wrong! Millions of Black children all across America are now paying the price, and chances are, they will end-up repeating the same vicious cycle. 

Black People, please be advised: The process of finding true love and happiness does NOT come from listening to or following the wrong voices. This love preparation process shouldn't require us (namely our rich and famous) to beg or pay other ethnic groups to date, love and or to marry us. This love preparation process don't even require us to be rich, nor does it require us to have more degrees than a thermometer. However, the process of finding true love and happiness only requires us to conduct a thorough....

                                 "SELF-EXAMINATION!" 

This self-examining process will become very critical if you ever intend on finding and experiencing True Love, Commitment and Happiness. It is a process in which you have to be totally and completely honest with yourself as to what you really want with regards to a meaningful relationship. This process will also require you to mentally, emotionally and morally investigate and evaluate what you have to bring to the table as well. Below, I will share some very critical challenges you must clearly understand, avoid, or correct, if you ever hope to obtain and or qualify for true love, commitment and happiness with Mr. or Ms. Right!

1) - Do You Know What True Love Is?

"I love you!" "I love you too!" Most people who express those words today have absolutely NO clue as to what those words truly mean. I regularly meet men and women who claim they have been in love three or more times in their lives. They met someone, fell in love, broke up with them and repeated that sequence of events with numerous other lovers. One woman told me she had been in love with eight different men. She married and divorced four of them. What they didn't know about love is that True Love NEVER ends!!!! And in almost every case, true love may still prevail even after one or the other individual is graveyard dead. So you see, it doesn't "just fade away" as the video above implied! 

And for the woman above to have gone through eight men during the course of her life and having divorced four of them, either she married the wrong mates, or she herself was or became the wrong mate. Apparently neither of them knew what true love was!  

Some Elements Of True Love Are as follows.......

If what either of them had were True Love it wouldn't have ended or "just faded away." They'd still be together. If you are getting your definitions and or interpretations about love from a source who has NEVER truly experienced it for themselves, you are being seriously misled. True Love is a "VERB" that requires action! Actions and or deeds that are completely in-line with the other individual's words. And more importantly, it's NOT just centered around sex and material things either.

2) - Are You Able To Forgive?

You are NOT ready to be in any kind of relationship until you are able to forgive those men or those women who have offended or hurt you in the past. Due to the fact that many of us have been hurt in the past we often build walls of resistance instead of bridges of opportunity with the opposite sex.

By that I mean we tend to completely "ISOLATE" our hearts rather than better "INSULATE" them, which means we must learn from our past mistakes and NOT repeat them over and over again and then completely give up on the opposite sex for what we "allowed" them to do to us. It is said that "INSANITY" is repeating the same things over and over again and expecting a different result each time.

Our inability to forgive within the African American community has caused hordes of Black men to turn toward dating and marrying other females outside of the Black race. It has cause a significant rise in homosexual and or bi-sexual lifestyles among many African American men and women today. It has also caused {{{{sex toys}}}} to become the companion of choice for many independent, yet sexually driven African American women.

If you are the type of individual who is very unforgiving and who revel in holding grudges or who harbors resentment and ill-feelings towards the opposite sex, by all means, pull yourself off the single and seeking market! You are a danger to yourself and to a potential mate. You are NOT ready for love! It makes absolutely NO sense at all to pursue true love if you have some unresolved issues regarding the opposite sex and blame an entire gender for your pain, suffering and heartache. Forgiveness is a major element in this mental and emotional healing process! And without being able to forgive, it is virtually impossible for you to move forward with all sincerity in a meaningful relationship setting. 

3) - Have You Learned The Importance Of Communication?

For me personally, I strongly believe that communication and how we go about the business of communicating as men and women in marriage settings will become very vital to our overall success as a complete couple. Dating relationships are NO exceptions to the rule. 

That's only if the two of you are really more than just two "familiar people" hanging out and enjoying each other's company! 

In fact, communication is the most important key to any meaningful marriage and or to any successful dating relationship today unless you are dating a supernatural human being with mind-reading skills and capabilities.

Through our conversations and communications as men and women we are better able to understand our respective issues such as; likes and dislikes, goals and aspirations, oppositions, parallels and commonalities. Being very openly expressive with your partner (especially in the very beginning) will no doubt help you as well as your partner determine whether or not what he or she has to bring to the table is well worth the time and the effort of continuing on with the relationship. Yes, men and women both communicate very differently today. That's all the more reason why it should be exchanged as often as required! It's not very comfortable or very possible to get a clear understanding from a mannequin. I don't believe any of us are very good at reading minds, and of course assuming can become a huge taboo with regards to relationships today! 

"Think Like A Man And Maybe
You'll Get One!"

Unfortunately, today we are literally inundated with books, DVDs, CDs, therapists and hypocritical, so-called relationship gurus attempting to take troubled couples by the hand and teach them the art of how to talk "TO" one another and not "AT" one another - a social art form that should have come quite naturally, and a social art form they need to learned prior to saying; "I DO!" Here's what most troubled married couples today DIDN'T learn before jumping the broom. The following communication skills must be learned in order to establish a solid relationship or marriage:

• Proper listening skills
• How to respect another person's opinion or point of view
• Talking and communicating non argumentatively
• Admitting when you are wrong
• Saying "I'm sorry" when the moment requires it
• How to agree to disagree honorably
• How to speak the truth in love 
• When to remain silent and just listen
• How to compromise in order to diffuse very tense moments

The above social art forms are very important aspects of communication in any relationship setting. Everyone involved in a meaningful relationship has to master each of the above aspects in order to establish a solid understanding of one another's thoughts, perceptions and needs. Every man and woman is responsible for conveying his or her "own"  thoughts, perceptions and personal needs to his or her partner. 

If you have a very hard time talking "TO" your partner as opposed to talking "AT" your partner especially due to pride and arrogance then by all means, pull yourself off the single and seeking market. You are NOT ready for love simply because accurate mind-readers are becoming very rare to none these days!!!

4) - Do You Fully Understand and Respect The Differences of The Sexes?

This should be a no-brainer to everyone! However, many men and women enter into relationships and marriages today with NO concept that males and females are extremely different species. They either fail or refuse to honor male and female uniqueness. 

For example: When a woman's emotions have been trampled on by her man she is often repulsed by his sexual advances. Many women have shared with me that they feel like "Cheap Prostitutes" when they are forced to have sex while feeling resentment toward their men. However, a man may have NO clue at all as to what he is putting his woman through when he forces her to have sex with him during the time of her emotional tormentation which was caused by him. All he's thinking about at that time is relieving some tension. Ladies, now that's the true nature of an arrogant, low-down, dirty "DOG!!!" According to him and his arrogant,  narcissistic mind, you are very lucky to have crossed paths with him, whether he's a bum or not. These males have "ZERO" respect for the female gender, or for their unique differences.

On the other hand: Some Women don't understand why most men today need their space and don't want to go with them to the mall all of the time. Most men today need time to themselves every now and then to help them think matters through way ahead of time. Space is a man's way of growing and most "CONTROLLING" women today have a very hard time understanding that.

He's not withdrawn or disinterested Ladies. Like most fine wines of today, he's just fermenting. 

Case and point: If you only see things from a man's perspective or from a woman's point of view, pull yourself off the single and seeking market! You are NOT at all ready for love. And you won't be ready until the day comes when you can respect the unique differences between the sexes without demanding, degrading, grumbling or bickering.

5) - Do You Still Have Sexual Ties And Or Intimate Feelings For Someone From Your Past?

"Lawd, have mercy!"

Of course a sexual tie is when you still have very strong feelings or sexual desires for an ex boyfriend, girlfriend, spouse, friend with benefits, fantasy lover or any past sex partner. 

If you are still longing for an individual from your past, secretly wish you were still with them, fantasize or constantly daydreaming about them or think about them sexually while you're with someone else, by all means, pull yourself off the single and seeking market! 


You are NOT mentally or emotionally ready to be in love with another individual or to be loved by another individual until you have severed that sex tie!

This is a very huge issue in many relationships today, because unless the two of you are/were virgins, you will always be compared to the individual(s) of your partner's past.  

6) - Do You Have Any Unresolved Personal Issues?

Issue such as…                                                       

• Excessive Baggage
• Unforgiveness
• Criminal Issues
• Paternity Fraud
• Baby Momma Drama
• Baby Daddy Drama 
• Jealousy Issues
• Control issues
• Manipulation Issues
• Drug/Alcohol Addictions
• Child Support Issues
• Porn Addictions
• Psychological Issues
• Divorce issues
• Current Relationship Issues
• Physical, Mental and Emotional Abuse Issues
• Communication Issues

If any of the above skeletons remain in your closet, pull yourself off the single and seeking market until you get them resolved. Unresolved issues like the ones mentioned above usually comes back to haunt you and the other individual involved. Because what effects one individual will eventually claim the other individual as well.

And Finally: Do You Have Unrealistic Marital Expectations?

"I know we're going to be very rich!"

More spouses have ended up in divorce court because they held on to very high and very unrealistic marital expectations before they married. For example, the husband expected he and his new bride were going to have sex everyday or at least 2--3 times a day. And likewise, the wife expected that her husband was going to worship the ground she walked on and treat her like she was the Queen of Sheba.

When things in relationships don't turn out as they were dreamed of or fantasized about, the person or the two people involved become very bitter, disappointed, upset and eventually abandon, deceive or divorce their spouses. The only way to insure that you don't have unrealistic marital or relationship expectations is to love the individual you are with for who they are "now" and NOT who you expect them to become "later." Love them for how they treat you now as opposed to how you think they may treat you later. And more importantly, except them for what they have now and NOT what you hope they acquire later. 

Older people who have been married for 25 years or more can shed much more light on what's required to fine-tune true love and how to maintain complete happiness as well as how to fulfill a life long commitment. Find out from them the true intricacies of love and all of the important elements of marriage life. No offense, but you cannot obtain this vital information from single people, disgruntled couples or from bitter divorcees.

"Unlike today, we were born during a time when
if something was broken...you fixed it....
....not throw it away!"

Jealousy, insecurity, mistrust, apathy, selfishness, poor communication, abuse, irreconcilable differences–and other major reasons why many relationships within the African American community are failing today are very indicative of how little we are mentally, emotionally and morally prepare for true love, commitment and happiness. And all too often other than FAITH and PRAYER, the remedies for many ailing relationships today are drugs, alcohol, infidelity and domestic violence, followed by a trip down town to Divorce Court!

A couple that prays together, stays together!

While there's not very many sure-fire solutions that exists today (other than faith and prayer) to guarantee that you and your partner will "Make It Last Forever", however, your chances of finding a lasting romance is good if you completely understand, avoid and or correct any of the above mental, emotional and moral challenges.

It is said that; "True love is the only game that two people can actually play and both parties win." With that being said, true love puts the "FOREVER" in together, the sadness in apart, and ultimately, endless joy in the heart. Love is a strong desire to be , but the desired question that still remains is..... 

      Are You Mentally, Emotionally and Morally Prepared For It? 
                                   

                 ALL THOUGHTS ARE WELCOME!!