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Black Love (Our Issues and Solutions)


What's going on with Black Love Today? Where has it gone? 

Black people, we must take a very serious look at our Brothas and Sistahs and our current dating and or relationship practises today. 

Our Modern Day dating practises or so-called Black Love here in the twenty first century is doing nothing more than producing a massive number of Black men and Black women who are having multitudes of unwanted Black children, who are completely disregarding marriage, and who are failing to see the importance of raising our Black children in quality two-parent households. 

Our "love" and "gender unity" issues as a race of people today, is doing nothing more than producing a massive number of men and women today who are mentally, emotionally and physically abusing one another, as well as infecting one other with HIV, AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases. Excuse me for a moment, but....

 I intend to be very long concerning this very critical topic: 

black_couple_talking.jpgOUR ISSUES: 

Black People, our mentality as it pertains to twenty first century dating and or relationships outside the confides of marriage have produced numerous problems and issues concerning our men and women with regards to Black Love. 

It has produced hordes of Black men and Black women who disregard sexual purity and who totally ignore the sacredness of marriage altogether. Modern day dating or so-called Black love today has procreated many Black men and women today who bear children they neither want nor care about.

It has produced countless accidental mothers, dead-beat fathers and hordes of fatherless children. Children who will never know their biological father simply because their mothers can’t locate or determine who the guy is responsible for impregnating her, or because he may be locked up, a victim of a senseless homicide or one of very many who just decided to abandon ship. It has caused the dockets for child support cases to be back-logged for months and even years on end with Black women stressing to collect child support from Black men who love sex but adamantly despise their own biological children.

These same males would rather pay entry into a nightclub or purchase expensive rims for their automobiles rather than buy food, clothing and many other vital necessities for their innocent, biological children. I realize this is a very bitter pill to swallow Black people, however, if any of you are alarmed, disheartened or convicted by anything you have read thus far.....that’s a great sign! It means that you haven’t totally lost your sense of humanity with regards to the common practises of promiscuity today within the African community. And the true face of Black Love today, has NOT shattered your moral compass.

"I hate Black men. ALL of them are Dogs!"

"You hurt me for the very last time!"

Know for certain Black people that we are in desperate times and desperate times calls for desperate measures!

Surely you must know that our current dating practises has bred a great Holocaustic Crisis, again, as it pertains to Black Love! It has birthed multitudes of females who have been played, dumped, tricked, dismissed, lied to and cheated on. These females now suffer from low self-esteem, bipolar and or borderline personality disorders. Some of these same females even have suicidal tendencies. Their numerous dating catastrophes have caused them to become very , angry, enraged, confused, depressed and driven to use mind-altering drugs such as Prozac, Remeron and Zoloft to name a few.  For many other females today, it's street drugs and or alcohol. It has produced a horde of bitter females who have no qualms about committing paternity fraud or filing false rape, abuse or molestation charges. This group of females will go to almost any lengths to get revenge for being forsaken, deceived, or cast aside by their casual sex partners, friend with benefits and or enigmatic lovers

It has fostered a fictitious environment within many relationships today between a Black man and a Black woman, where the truth becomes a lie; a lie becomes the truth; good becomes evil; evil becomes good, and where true love, honor and virtue is laughed at, ridiculed and looked upon as being old-fashion outdated character traits that are only embraced by boring Black men and unexciting Black women. 

"I never said that I was committed to either of you...
so chill the hell out!"
It has produced for the most part, a mass number of smooth talking, misogynistic males who only view females as sex receptacles. With this class of males, "NO" female is off limits or out of bounds. 

It should be no wonder why these males are poster boys for the socially detached. If they impregnate a woman, they have NO qualms about forcing, coercing or threatening her to have an abortion, which  happens to be the number one killer of ALL African people in this country. Her refusal to comply could mean hurt, harm or perhaps even her life. These males make a sport of committing domestic violence, date rape and otherwise physically, mentally and emotionally, abusing females. They have had sex with so many females that their consciences have become caustically numb. They are totally incapable of "TRUE" love or of comprehending the hurt they’ve caused. Unfortunately, they are mentally conditioned by the streets, gangster rap, the thug sub culture and their peers to become career womanizers.

Our modern day dating practises has produced a swarm of Black men and Black women who by the time they do get married, they have learned some terribly cruel lessons about life, love, sex and relationships. 

"OMG.....I thought you said you were
going to be working late Baby!
..........I can explain!"
I've read many of their love, sex and relationship resumes in many other social forums and chat rooms right here on the Internet! Also, many have messaged me with their personal thoughts and perceptions regarding Black love. Sadly, many of us have been mentally conditioned by society and the masses to juggle multiple sex partners, lie, cheat, break hearts and exploit or toy with another individuals emotions. 

And by the time these Black men and Black women do decide to walk down the aisle, they’ve developed callous hearts and very negative attitudes toward the opposite sex. To expect these individuals to flip a switch and magically become suitable mates over-night is absolutely unrealistic. The mass number of divorce, domestic violence and family court cases (even in the Church) confirms this irrefutable truth on a daily bases. Like it or not, agree with it or not, this is the true face of Modern Day Dating or the Holocaust of Black Love within the African American community.

The following dialogs are some of their own words and perhaps words spoken by many of you currently reading this very critical topic at one point or another. These dialogs are from every-day Black men and women, who's sentiments I am about to use as examples of our many love traumas as Black men and Black women today. Some of their comments were as follows…

"Gregory C. in every relationship I’ve been in, I have always been a woman of my word. Yet, I keep running into lying, cheating doggish men who think its better to play games than to be men of character. You may not be one of those brothas, but whether you like it or not, trust me, they have given the good brothas a bad rap as well."

"As a Black man I would love to meet and marry a Black woman, but seeing that I abhor the thug subculture, I have been made an outcast amongst my own. Most Black females look at me as being unmanly because my hair is not braided, I have no tattoos, earrings or piercing, I don't speak thug lingo and I don't have any street credibility. It has become harder and harder to reach Black women. What is a man like myself to do? Where do I turn? Do I just give up? Search for a woman from another race? Is there something we can do?"

"Candidly , I’ve given up on Black men… I view them the same way I view men from other races; I’m indifferent. I don’t attack them with disparaging remarks, I just tolerate them where socially mandatory."

"This past year I counted on one hand, the number of single women I met who did not have any children. I can’t speak for other men, but I’m not going to date or marry a woman with children. When I explain this, Black women get offended! They claim they didn’t intend on becoming unwed moms, uh, hmmm? I’m 33 years of age and I have NO children, NO sexually transmitted diseases and NO drama because I have standards and I exercise my power to say, "I’ll wait!" Why do so many sistahs keep making the same mistake? Don’t they have any standards?"

"Greg, I feel like I have a RIGHT to show anger at men because the first man I gave myself to, hurt me. He said he loved me, had sex with me and then just disappeared. After I gave him a special part of me that I can never get back, (my virginity) he made me feel like a cheap piece of meat. Since then, I have opened myself up to other men… same results. Yes, I am ANGRY at men! ALL men are dogs and I’m not going to change my opinion until a Black man proves me wrong!"

"Brotha Greg, it's enough that Black men have to deal with the negative myths, stigmas and stereotypes of modern society, but we are now experiencing a type of racial profiling from Black women. We are forced to deal with propaganda spreaded by Black women who passionately swear that we DO NOT exist! As a single, professional, educated, Black man, it hurts to hear this rhetoric. The stories I hear from Black women about our non-existence amazes me. It also hurts to know that before they get a chance to know you, they already have their minds made up that you are a unreliable, uneducated, cheater and liar who is going nowhere in life. For those of us who do exist, they seem to want to pass us over for the excitement and lure of the street jocks they claim to despise the most. Woefully, this says a lot about our mentality and the condition of Black relationships."

"Why are so many African-American Christian women single when they desire to be married? I know most of these women desire to do the will of God and not indulge in sexual immorality." 

"Interracial relationships are most common among
our rich and famous Black males! Why is that so???
"Frankly, I have abandoned the thought of being with a Black woman. I hate to say it -- but the prospect of any man having to go through 100 or more; angry, bitter, contentious or vengeful females to find ONE suitable mate is to horrible a journey for any man to trek. Yet, that is the norm. In the end I can see why so many Black males are retreating from Black women and dating white women or women from other races. 

No one has a lifetime to find ONE good woman who chooses NOT to be responsive, reactive or very combative."  

"My single mother struggled to raise my siblings and me. My father did nothing for us and I believe that growing up without a dad has negatively impacted me. To be honest Greg, my father let us down and hurt us so many times and in so many ways, I don’t believe I will ever be able to trust a man. Because of my disgust, I have run a number of good men out of my life. Depressingly, like my mom, I have now become a single mother. The twist is, my child’s father is just like my dad. I swore this wouldn’t happen to me.... where did I go wrong?"

The above sentiments are what I meant when I said; "I've read their personal resumes right here online (in chat rooms, social networks and many African forums), regarding Black Love. Although countless African American "experts" and "relationship therapist" have held seminars and conferences and have written numerous books and articles to address these very critical issues within the Black race, but quite frankly, as a race "We seem to be still running the race for gender peace and unity on a treadmill!" 

Is there any hope? Unequivocally "Yes!" Our response to the negativity surrounding  Black love today is only going to derive from our complete determination as Black men and Black women to CEASE FIRE, and promote more gender peace, harmony and unity among Black men and women, regardless to what society and the masses think. Once the strategy is implemented, it will change the current landscape of Black love world-wide, forever.

                                         "Let's all stop the above foolishness!" 


In this next section, I will attempt to share some very important keys to implementing a unique strategy for turning our Love issues around as Black men and Black women:

1)- Concerning the war of the sexes, we must issue a nation-wide "Cease Fire!"

This blog as wells as many other social mediums are the perfect media platforms in which to accomplish a "cease fire" between Black men and Black women on a national and or global level. The prevalent tone amongst too many Black men and Black women in many social forms today are very very negative toward one another, as you all have just read within the sample dialogs above. Many Black women today swear that ALL Black men are dogs and various Black men today claim that ALL Black females have very mean and nasty attitudes.

Those statements are indeed false, simply because NO one Black woman has ever dated or had a relationship with every Black man, just as NO one Black man has dated or had a relationship with every Black woman. And even worst, these opposing males and females try very hard to persuade other Black men and women to adopt their very cynical beliefs about the opposite sex. They try overwhelmingly hard to convince the masses to accept their false perceptions as undeniable truths.  

They constantly bombard us with all of the negatives: their love let downs, horrific dating experiences, risky relationships, their hurts, their unplanned pregnancies, their child abandonment incidents as well as their failed marriages

In their minds, their bad experiences were never any fault of their own, and is claimed to be all the evidence needed to prove that ALL Black men are untrustworthy, unreliable dogs and that ALL Black women are bitter, conniving hussies

They fuel this foolish gender war by aggressively publicizing overblown exaggerations, emotionally charged malicious opinions, harmful lies and phantom statistics about the opposite sex. 

                                DO NOT FEED INTO THAT GARBAGE!

the_drama_king.jpgIn this war, the casualties are mounting daily and only a "Cease Fire" will quiet things down a little. I realize that everyone is NOT going to buy into this strategy. Some Black men and Black women today revel in being very angry, bitter, vengeful and totally unforgiving. They have been deeply indoctrinated with the Willie Lynch "self-hate" and "self-devaluation" syndromes. 

However, if enough of us agree to this treaty, peace, harmony and gender unity will be able to restore Black love back to the African American masses. 

2) - We must make it very unacceptable to hurt and tear one another down.

In our current environment: disrespecting, degrading and tearing one another down as Black men and Black women has become morally and socially acceptable. Alarmingly, our sons and daughters are taught these same very destructive traits at very tender ages. How sad is it that many of our young Black boys have been conditioned to aspire to be pimps, thugs and womanizers, while our young girls are being conditioned to chase feminismindependence and the thought of being "pro-woman" by becoming "anti-man". Clearly, this a recipe for disaster. Only we can change this genocidal mindset. We cannot depend on our government or look to other outside sources to help us with this very critical issue simply because they were the ones who perpetuated it in the first place (aka; "Social Engineering"). It has to start with every last one of us who are truly sick and tired of the counterproductive nonsense. 

Black fathers, please protect 
our daughters!
There was a time when Black men better protected our young Black daughters from thugs, pimps and players. However, in this new era today, we have allowed these predatory males to enjoy a cultural badge of honor for impregnating our daughters and eventually abandoning them and their innocent biological children. Shamefully, as they demoralize and decimate our young Black daughters, they are applauded by the masses and their peers for their ability to "hit-it, then-quit-it."

It is our duty as responsible Black men and Black women to change this destructive mindset. We must make it unacceptable for "ANY" man to dishonor our Black women, along with totally abandoning our Black children. We must also make it very unacceptable to attack our Black men and Black women with false malicious generalizations that undermines our complete confidence in them as a whole. Let's stop tearing one another down as men and women and totally commit to collectively building one another up.

3) -  We must make a firm unrelenting commitment to love, honor and respect one another in spite of.

"I love You Baby!"
This healthy mindset is part of the core foundation of any proud race, creed or culture of successful people. It is no mystery as to how they acquire this favorable state of mind toward one another. It is simply this; almost every one of them has made the decision to love, honor and respect one another and to build one another up, "IN-SPITE OF ANYTHING ELSE!" It's called "RACE PRIDE"! This is where we fail as a race. Any and everybody can instigate us against our own people and we will turn on our own people in order to impress everyone else. 

We have become very socially unstable, morally destructive and very unforgiving, as a race of people. These are very crucial issues that each of us can and must reverse. Just as we nurture and promote gender separation, disunity and distrust amongst Black men and Black women, I'm quite sure we can defuse, deactivate and completely "reverse" the situation and put down our mental weapons of war and create a camaraderie that will become very contagious amongst Black men and Black women just as it was in the 1960's during the Black Power Movement!  

    4) - We must create a mature "safe talk environment" for Black men and Back women.

Currently, when a Black man or a Black woman expresses their reservations, opinions or questions about the opposite sex, they are usually met with retaliation, verbal shouting matches, resentment, ridicule or pointless debates. We must establish "safe talk environments" that encourage open dialogue. An environment where there's NO BASHING the opposite sex. Until we accomplish this crucial undertaking, we will NOT defuse the negative persona permeating throughout the minds of our Black men and women today. 

These constructive, yet very conservative peace talks will serve to clear the air of the multitudes of corrosive exaggerations, misconceptions and out-right lies that has stained and tarnished Black Love and have multitudes of Black men and Black women today looking to other ethnic groups for love and happiness. Interracial relationships are definitely NOT the best solution to resolving our love traumas as Black men and Black women, because non-black people cheat, lie, deceive, abuse, trick and toy with emotions as well, not to mention the racial slurs and or epithets that are bound to take place once the relationship begins to proceed South.

5) - We must acknowledge our harmful beliefs and behaviors about the opposite sex and deactivate them.

Because of the breakdown of the Black family unit today, and because of the rejection of morals and values as well as the lack of training, we have adopted some very harmful beliefs and behaviors that have spurned the demise of the Black family unit. Until we admit our faults and or change our harmful behaviors, we will continue adding casualties to the ever increasing lists of HIV/AIDS patients, young, inexperienced, accidental mothers, broken single parent house-holds, emasculatedmisogynistic males, materialistic promiscuous females, divorce courts cases, as well as Child Support enforcement docket numbers, keeping many non-Black people employed by the masses in a corrupt Family Court system that pretends to be "mediators" but instead are nothing more than "instigators". Plain and simple: This restoration process has to start with us TODAY, or our fate awaits us TOMORROW! 

    6) - We must stop blaming our failed relationships and marital woes on other people.

This has become one of our most crippling character traits. We continue to blame our relationship and marital woes on Post Traumatic Slavery Syndrome and a host of other politically correct cop-outs. Yes the Willie Lynch Syndrome has taken up residence in our minds but we are now living in the 21st century and as a race, we are worst off now than we were during the days of slavery. Our Black ancestors back then lived through all of the beatings, all of the lynchings, the racism, the rapes and the brutal murders daily, yet they managed to hold their "two-parent" families together and exemplified Black love. 

Former presidential hopeful Michele Bachmann (a white female) said that "Black children born during "SLAVERY" had a much better chance of growing up with both parents in the home, than most Black children have today." What more can I say about the critical state and mental condition of African people?

"Mommy, where's my daddy?"
Also in 1960, statistics show that only 23% of all Black children were born out of wedlock, but today well over 72% of all Black children world-wide are born out of wedlock.

Know this for certain Black people; we can emulate the success of our best ever era, which again was during the 1960's! It starts with what’s in our hearts and minds. Loving, caring for and uplifting one another as Black men and Black women is a decision we ALL must make together. 

    7) - We must develop faith for the future.

This is not a complicated task. It is an invigorating mission! As bad as things may seem right now, we can develop hope and faith for future love, by learning from our mistakes and by magnifying and multiplying our successes. I have faith in Black Love simply because I know countless Black couples who have very vibrant marriages. I look to those Black husbands and wives as one of my main sources of inspiration in a very negative world. They give me hope for the future. They’re out there, those very blessed couples who can give us a bird’s eye view on how to do the Black Love thing the right way. When we look to them as our mentors, guides and role models, endless possibilities for our love stories will soar to new heights that will be worth writing about! Faith consists in believing anyhow, even when it's seems beyond the power of our reasoning to truly believe.  

    8) - We must identify and expose "Outlanders and Interlopers."

This truth may be very hard for some of us to swallow, but to say that all African people care about African people as a whole, is very false indeed. We have in our midst quite a few prominent African people who are nothing more than outlanders and interlopers

An outlander in this case, is a Black person who shows NO allegiance to African people.... period! They are better known as Uncle Toms and Mammies. An interloper in this case, is a Black person who claims they are about the Black race as a whole, but  they do nothing more than exploit their own people for the sake of obtaining media exposure, fame and fortune, political power or religious clout. Dana Owens (pictured above) is a prime example of an interloper. They are complete SELL-OUTS!!! They do not warrant any respect simply because they are not with us nor are they for us!

Whether they're selling crack cocaine destroying our communities, inciting sexual immorality, making and marketing demoralizing music, revealing negative, stereotypical images of Black people on stage or in the movie theaters, wearing a dress, or pimping their church membership, or bartering votes behind closed doors, these Black men and women undermine the Black community without any guilt or shame to their game. Our message to them must be very clear, very firm and very relentless; YOU'VE BETRAYED US! Therefore, we reject your so-called spiritual leadership, talents, high acclaims as well as your political accomplishments. WE WILL BE PAWNS FOR NO ONE!!!!!

9) - Our Black brothas must rise to the challenge of training our Black boys to become men of honor, pride and compassion. 

"I would give my life for these boys!"
For centuries, it was the charge of the Black men in the family, as well as the men in the community to take the boys from the arms of their single mothers and mold them into honorable, prideful and very compassionate men. Rigorous mentoring and training were the standard. As time progressed, many Black men failed to see the significance of this crucial facet of a young boy's life and many Black women today (feminist especially) foolishly object to it. 

Consequently, the men ceased to man-train our young Black boys and the cataclysmic genocidal cycle was in full effect. This is why the Black man is so emasculated and so very effeminate today. This is also why they are so obsessed with long, braided hair, earrings and not ashamed to wear dresses on TV.

"We need male role models!"
Today, our boys mentors are: young, inexperienced, single mothers, the streets, pimps, players, ballers, shot callers, hip-hopgangster rappers, the penal system, juvenile detention centers and foster care. The damaging resultant effects are a direct result of our young boys losing their way from boyhood to manhood, even after they've reached adulthood. They entered into adulthood with a subverted view of true manhood that leaves them: confused, frustrated, hopeless and glaringly misogynistic

We CAN positively change their outlook in life, but only if two things happen: (a) Our Black men take the charge of fathering and or mentoring our Black boys very seriously, and (b) Our Black women wholeheartedly support us in doing so. Know this for certain; very little will change in the Black family unit and within the Black community as a whole until we properly deal with this very critical issue of raising our Black sons and daughters the right way and NOT in reverse roles.....As a race of people today, we are completely out of order!!!!!

10) - We must convince our men and women to receive proper training before dating or getting married.

"Til death do us apart!"
Sadly, most African American men and women today learn about risky relationships the hard way; by firsthand experience. Their names are added to the long list of individuals who chose the wrong mate or who unwittingly became the wrong mate. 

They could've easily avoided being left pregnant and alone, mentally, emotionally and physically abused, infected with HIV/AIDS virus, being another statistic in the abortion clinic or in divorce court, had they been armed with proper knowledge regarding love, sex, relationships and marriage.  

This lack of proper knowledge is one of the major epidemics decimating Black Love and the Black family unit today. We have ignored this truth for far too long! So starting with our Black parents, Black churches and our Black community leaders, we must take charge and show others the way, the truth and the light! We can accomplish this by convincing the masses of the vital importance of properly preparing our young people for life, love, relationships and marriage. Is it a major task? "Absolutely!" But it’s one we will attain because in the times of turmoil in the past we've always managed to stepped up to the challenge. 

"We're Not Perfect People Either. 
We Have Our Cultural Issues Too!"
Before closing, I must add: Black people, we are NOT the only ones suffering from drastic cultural issues. Many other races of people experience similar or other major issues as well, or the photos to your right would be non-existent. We must react to our cultural issues and change our perception and negative attitudes toward the opposite sex, marriage, the Black family unit, raising children, economics and the Black race as a whole. 

In closing: Everything I shared within this topic is respectfully my (opinionated) strategies for restoring Black Love. 

Black Love and the Black family unit will experience a renaissance as you you've never seen before if every Black man and woman reading this article commits to becoming apart of the solution by joining and helping me to promote this much needed revolution! To every African individual reading this post, just go back and read and focus on every word "highlighted" in "RED" to see if you carry any of those destructive character traits. If so, then you know exactly what you need to work on. Afterward, it is your duty to help someone else to do the same thing. Our mental healing process must become viral. Why?

Because the mathematical equation is very simple! Strong Black people build strong Black relationships - Strong Black relationships build strong Black families - Strong Black families build strong Black communities, and strong Black communities will build a strong proud Black nation, here in this country and abroad. 

This is our time to turn back the hand of hopelessness and despair. With every new relationship, we have an excellent opportunity to re-write history. Black people, we can do it! However, it must start with you!

                                              All Thoughts Welcome! 


Anonymous said...

Awesome article! I agree that we have to stop judging our entire ethnic group based on a few failed personal relationships. I will always believe in black love and in black men...despite my few failed choices (and I say my choices, no one put a gun to my head, LOL), I know beyond a shadow of a doubt there are good black men desiring to love a good black women and we have to persists in promoting black love despite mistakes. I say women listen and listen with discernment and wisdom, because out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. Before you give up the panties, observe this man, see his "character" and not his "swag." Black men, listen to her and don't be so busy watching her ass. We have to learn to listen to each other and establish a friendship, mutual respect before the sex. This quick to bed without knowledge of each other is breeding destructive relationship and victim thinking that leads to the blame game.
Keep black love's there waiting to be resuscitated.

Anonymous said...

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Why Relationships Are Important

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Unknown said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator. said...

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